Exercise 1 - Freckles

Excercise # 1 - Second Draft - Focused on getting the first paragraph into the same narrative style as the rest.  As well as less repetition when describing Freckles.

Freckles

There's an old shack sitting alone in the middle of the woods.  It isn't exactly run down, but it's not the lap of luxury either.  It's an older building, but not run down.  It was well cared for when it was still used. Long planks that reach from the foundation to the roof serve for siding and tin sheets cover the roof.  There's a window just under the point of the roof so there's probably a loft or storage of some sort.  Some sort of sign hangs from the loft window, but any writing is long since weathered away.  The doorway underneath the loft window--from this angle at least--appears to be without a door.  The only other visible windows--two of them--are rather plain, with simple white frames around the six smaller panes that made up each one.

There is no direct path to the doorway, instead there are two planks spanning a five foot gap that surrounds the entire structure, exposing a foundation about five feet high that looks to be covered in tin sheets, with a small drain just underneath the entryway.  The tin shows signs of years of use, hard water and rust cover most of the surface.

Inside is nothing but an inch of dust coating everything, a lone ladder leading up to the loft above, and single set of footprints leading toward the loft.  With the door indeed missing, there is much more wear on the inside than would normally be expected.  The walls are plain wood, no wallpaper or paint.  There is no entrance to a basement, at least nothing plainly visible.  Up the ladder is more dust coating everything and a lone figure crouched hidden in a dark corner.  It's clear that the person here is the first one to have been here for a very long time.

The figure peeks out the loft window for several long minutes before getting up.  They brush the dirt off and head down the ladder and out the front door looking around carefully.  The girl is very young, no more than twelve or thirteen.  She eases out on to the planks spanning the gap around the structure glancing anxiously in every direction.  Her face is thin and heavily freckled on the cheekbones set above cheeks that are slightly gaunt, but not sickly.  Thin lips are currently pulled tight in worry.  Bright emerald green eyes contrast sharply against her bright red shoulder length hair--it has clearly been a while since she's had a chance to comb it out. Still, she is very pretty even if a little wild looking.  Blue denim overalls drape loosely over her small frame hanging from her skinny shoulders.  The straps have been tied together by a bit of string, to keep them from falling off.  She's wearing a green t-shirt with wrist length sleeves and a narrow neck.  Her shoes, more like boots, are made of a sturdy leather material, most likely suited to a lot of foot travel through hard terrain.  Overall it looks as though her clothes are a little worn but not ragged, she could have just been lost in the woods for a day exploring. 

Apparently satisfied that she is alone, she runs off in to the woods, surprisingly quiet while passing through the undergrowth.

Hopefully this is at least somewhat what you saw.